So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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