We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
