She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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