I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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