Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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