why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
