I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
