People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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