Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
