Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
