Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
