We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
