I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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