I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
