Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
