The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
