Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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