At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
