the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
