You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
