Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize