It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
