yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
