All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
