He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
