its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize