...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
