I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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