we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A bitchslap is in order.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
