have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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