When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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