ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
