oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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