So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize