I cockslap morals
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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