Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
