so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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