Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
