is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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