If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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