Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize