Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
