We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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