Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize