Your face is a jimmy john
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
