I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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