i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
