she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
