I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
