Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
