I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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