i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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