Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
