i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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