I must be too annoying 4 u.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
zippers are such a cool invention
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
