A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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