Do you still have your period?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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