you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
