he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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