Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
