What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
