Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize