I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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