my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize