Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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