I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My vagina is officially offended.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
