so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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