you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
